u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm having to shit out rocks
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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