there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
