apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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