A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
