I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
