Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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