My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
