I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
