Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
