Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize