Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
