I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
