32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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