she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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