"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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