Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
