She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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