Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just cropdusted the office
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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