Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All the doctor said was why
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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