I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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