Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
