Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
