you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
