I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
