a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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