I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
