Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
