Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
