i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
