Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
