She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
