Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
