I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
