dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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