Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
