what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
