And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
