if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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