If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
