Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have demons in me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am available for nakedness
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
