Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
