he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
