I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
