saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
