don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
