Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
