i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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