I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
