I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
