you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just threw up on my dentist
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
