I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
