: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
