Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
