No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
