he puts the penis in happiness.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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