I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
